Sunday, September 30, 2007
Little bit funny piece of post!
Hi Guys,
Today I came across one little bit funny piece of post at one of the thread in Oracle Forum.
Member No 1 asked following doubts:
Hi all,
I have the table
List
flag_circ char(1)
impo number(11,3)
and I have to update flag_circ, if the number of decimal of the field impo, are 0 or 1
For example
Impo value
123,444 –> no update
123,44 –> no update
123,4 –> yes update
123 –> yes update
I’m trying those functions like round, mod, trunc, but don’t work!
Some suggestions?
Member No 2 answers:
Use this
declare
cursor c_1 is select rowid row_id from table where (round(number_field,0) = number
or round (number_field,1)= number;
begin
for f_1 in c_1 loop
update table(repplcae by table name here) set flag = ‘Y’ where rowid = f_1.row_id;
end;
/
I think this will work
Member No 3 answers to Member No 2:
It may work but it is horrible.
What would motivate you to declare a cursor and do in a loop what can easily be done with a single update statement?
A desire to write the slowest least efficient code possible?
If you have written code like this at work please do yourself and your employer a favor and get rid of the cursor loop.
There is from 9i onward almost no excuse for ever writing a cursor loop.
Now lets think about it, its not really funny but do tell us what not to do!
Any way my answer was
Hi,
Try this
UPDATE list
SET flag_circ = somthing you want
WHERE INSTR(impo,’.',1,1) = 0
OR
LENGTH(SUBSTR(impo,INSTR(impo,’.',1,1)+1,2)) = 1
My tests:
SQL> WITH data_Set AS
2 (
3 SELECT 1 row_no, 1221.4554 text_col FROM dual
4 UNION ALL
5 SELECT 2 row_no, 1221.4554 text_col FROM dual
6 UNION ALL
7 SELECT 3 row_no, 1234 text_col FROM dual
8 UNION ALL
9 SELECT 4 row_no, 2343.5 text_col FROM dual
10 )
11 SELECT row_no FROM data_set
12 WHERE INSTR(text_col,’.',1,1) = 0
13 OR
14 LENGTH(SUBSTR(text_col,INSTR(text_col,’.',1,1)+1,2)) = 1
15 /
ROW_NO
Today I came across one little bit funny piece of post at one of the thread in Oracle Forum.
Member No 1 asked following doubts:
Hi all,
I have the table
List
flag_circ char(1)
impo number(11,3)
and I have to update flag_circ, if the number of decimal of the field impo, are 0 or 1
For example
Impo value
123,444 –> no update
123,44 –> no update
123,4 –> yes update
123 –> yes update
I’m trying those functions like round, mod, trunc, but don’t work!
Some suggestions?
Member No 2 answers:
Use this
declare
cursor c_1 is select rowid row_id from table where (round(number_field,0) = number
or round (number_field,1)= number;
begin
for f_1 in c_1 loop
update table(repplcae by table name here) set flag = ‘Y’ where rowid = f_1.row_id;
end;
/
I think this will work
Member No 3 answers to Member No 2:
It may work but it is horrible.
What would motivate you to declare a cursor and do in a loop what can easily be done with a single update statement?
A desire to write the slowest least efficient code possible?
If you have written code like this at work please do yourself and your employer a favor and get rid of the cursor loop.
There is from 9i onward almost no excuse for ever writing a cursor loop.
Now lets think about it, its not really funny but do tell us what not to do!
Any way my answer was
Hi,
Try this
UPDATE list
SET flag_circ = somthing you want
WHERE INSTR(impo,’.',1,1) = 0
OR
LENGTH(SUBSTR(impo,INSTR(impo,’.',1,1)+1,2)) = 1
My tests:
SQL> WITH data_Set AS
2 (
3 SELECT 1 row_no, 1221.4554 text_col FROM dual
4 UNION ALL
5 SELECT 2 row_no, 1221.4554 text_col FROM dual
6 UNION ALL
7 SELECT 3 row_no, 1234 text_col FROM dual
8 UNION ALL
9 SELECT 4 row_no, 2343.5 text_col FROM dual
10 )
11 SELECT row_no FROM data_set
12 WHERE INSTR(text_col,’.',1,1) = 0
13 OR
14 LENGTH(SUBSTR(text_col,INSTR(text_col,’.',1,1)+1,2)) = 1
15 /
ROW_NO
Funny/Weird Wedding Stories
I'm sure you all have a heard or experience something funny or weird during a wedding. Perhaps we can share those stories here, just for a laugh or to serve as a precaution. I have quite a few. To start with...
A few years back, a friend of my brother got married in Ipoh. The bridal car is a luxury car owned by the bride's ex. After being decorated, the ex drove the bridal car to the groom's house. At night, during the bachelor party the ex said he has something to do and took the bridal car out. He did not return.
The next morning, everyone was anxious as there was no bridal car. Everyone tried to search for the driver but he went MIA. It was running late. So, no choice, the groom had to use his own car as bridal car. No ribbons or decorations what so ever.
Thus, they started out to the bride's house. The 'heng tai' didn't know each other that well as they are friends from different stages of the groom's life. Most of them do not know the roads in Ipoh that well. So they just follow one another. After a few turnings and quite a long journey, finally they made it to the bride's house. The heng tai took all the gifts including the roast pig and put on the table in the bride's house prepared for such purpose. Then they sat waiting as the groom and some other heng tai has not arrived. After a while, only then they realised that they have gone to the wrong house!! They couldn't get the gifts back as this family say it is bad luck to have the gifts taken away. These heng tai got to wait at the wrong house till someone 'rescued' them.
By this time, it was running very late and the bride's family were very anxious. The bride herself was almost in tears. This happened a few years back where handphones were not as common as it is now. So, there's no way to contact the groom or the heng tai. Finally, the groom arrived and to everyone's horror, he came in a black iswara! Everyone was very angry as this is considered bad luck and back omen. Somemore the car was not decorated at all. And also, there was no gifts and no roast pig.
The groom tried to explain about the original bridal car but the bride got very angry as the car and the driver is her ex and she thought the groom tried to talk bad about her friend. They quarrelled in front of everyone and finally the wedding was cancelled.
After this incident, my brother always say,'never trust a partner's ex'
A few years back, a friend of my brother got married in Ipoh. The bridal car is a luxury car owned by the bride's ex. After being decorated, the ex drove the bridal car to the groom's house. At night, during the bachelor party the ex said he has something to do and took the bridal car out. He did not return.
The next morning, everyone was anxious as there was no bridal car. Everyone tried to search for the driver but he went MIA. It was running late. So, no choice, the groom had to use his own car as bridal car. No ribbons or decorations what so ever.
Thus, they started out to the bride's house. The 'heng tai' didn't know each other that well as they are friends from different stages of the groom's life. Most of them do not know the roads in Ipoh that well. So they just follow one another. After a few turnings and quite a long journey, finally they made it to the bride's house. The heng tai took all the gifts including the roast pig and put on the table in the bride's house prepared for such purpose. Then they sat waiting as the groom and some other heng tai has not arrived. After a while, only then they realised that they have gone to the wrong house!! They couldn't get the gifts back as this family say it is bad luck to have the gifts taken away. These heng tai got to wait at the wrong house till someone 'rescued' them.
By this time, it was running very late and the bride's family were very anxious. The bride herself was almost in tears. This happened a few years back where handphones were not as common as it is now. So, there's no way to contact the groom or the heng tai. Finally, the groom arrived and to everyone's horror, he came in a black iswara! Everyone was very angry as this is considered bad luck and back omen. Somemore the car was not decorated at all. And also, there was no gifts and no roast pig.
The groom tried to explain about the original bridal car but the bride got very angry as the car and the driver is her ex and she thought the groom tried to talk bad about her friend. They quarrelled in front of everyone and finally the wedding was cancelled.
After this incident, my brother always say,'never trust a partner's ex'
Stupidest Dog
I’ve seen my share of unintelligent dogs (Labrador anyone?), but this one takes the cake. Watch what happens when he gets protective of the bone he’s gnawing on… yea that’s right his own foot is after it. Bwahahahaaaaaah!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Cement Soccer Ball
I kinda feel bad for laughing at this but I just can’t help it. Someone thought it’d be a good idea to fill a soccer ball with cement and trick some little kids into kicking it. Go ahead and laugh, we won’t tell anyone.
Beatboxing With A Harmonica
Yuri Lane beatboxes using a harmonica.This man revolutionized beatboxing and really brought it into the limelight. Now, many more people are beatboxing and many of those utilize a harmonica in their acts.
Begin with the relationship with yourself. You’d better feel good about that lest it infect all others.
If you devote even ten minutes to creating a simple listing you may surprise yourself how quickly the names and categories add up. Give it an hour and you’ll likely be stunned. Now, for each one, if your relationship were objectively rated on a scale ranging from “Excellent” to “Poor” how would you measure up? And why? Is it neglect or indifference or simply unawareness?
If you cavalierly admit that you don’t care and it’s only the performance that counts, think again. I’ve known and heard about many otherwise excellent speakers who are so difficult to work with that event planners simply won’t suffer a second time in dealing with them. And, since such word travels quickly, how many bookings will “ Mr. or Ms. Difficult” never get due to that reputation?
I recently asked as planner pal if a particular speaker who was on her program was as difficult to work with as was reputed, she quickly retorted: “Not difficult at all. He was impossible -- and I’m warning all my friends.”
If you cavalierly admit that you don’t care and it’s only the performance that counts, think again. I’ve known and heard about many otherwise excellent speakers who are so difficult to work with that event planners simply won’t suffer a second time in dealing with them. And, since such word travels quickly, how many bookings will “ Mr. or Ms. Difficult” never get due to that reputation?
I recently asked as planner pal if a particular speaker who was on her program was as difficult to work with as was reputed, she quickly retorted: “Not difficult at all. He was impossible -- and I’m warning all my friends.”
The Key To Success in Speaking
There are countless ways to describe and analyze what constitutes success in speaking. Elements such as “an important message well delivered” – “commanding stage presence” -- “effective marketing so as to become known to many planners” – “topic flexibility so you can stay ahead of changing times.” -- -- “organizational ability” etc.
But if there’s a single word that towers above all when it comes to success, it’s “Relationships.” After five decades of business speaking (more than three of them as a professional) I affirm this even more.
Yes, it will take you some time, but to prove my point, simply delineate -- and then describe -- the myriad relationships you are involved with, willingly or not. In broad terms divide them professionally and personally with some intertwined. Since there are so many relationships each of us is involved with, I suggest you write down a few of the most important and tell why they are vital.
But if there’s a single word that towers above all when it comes to success, it’s “Relationships.” After five decades of business speaking (more than three of them as a professional) I affirm this even more.
Yes, it will take you some time, but to prove my point, simply delineate -- and then describe -- the myriad relationships you are involved with, willingly or not. In broad terms divide them professionally and personally with some intertwined. Since there are so many relationships each of us is involved with, I suggest you write down a few of the most important and tell why they are vital.
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "
At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."
Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"
At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"
Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."
In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."
A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"
A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road."
Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "
At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."
Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"
At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"
Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."
In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."
A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"
A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road."
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." -- Abraham Lincoln, US President
"The measure of the man is what he does with power." -- Pittacus (650-569 BC)"Of all manifestations of power, restraint impresses men the most." - Thucyclides
"George Washington was one of the few in the whole history of the world who was not carried away by power." -- Robert Frost"A philosopher is an intellectual yokel who gawks at things that sensible people take for granted." -- Alan Watts US philosopher "The Way of Liberation," 1983.
"An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike." -- Spiro T. Agnew
"I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, US president and military leader "I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell." --Harry S Truman (Senator and later President of US). "If you're going through hell, keep going." -- Sir Winston Spencer Churchill (1874-1965), British Statesman, Prime Minister, Author“My half-century in business plus a lifetime of living in Washington, DC proves absolute immutability of ‘DALY’S LAW’ which states: “Everything takes longer and costs more.” -- -– John Jay Daly, President. Daly Communications of Chevy Chase, Maryland
"A keen sense of humor helps us overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerated the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable." -- Billy Graham (1918-)US evangelist
"All persons are puzzles until at last we find some word or act the key to the man, to the woman; straightaway all their past words and actions lie in light before us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." -- Robert Orben“Want to hear quiet laugh? Tell God your plans? -- ancient proverb JJD often quotes
"In the good old days beer foamed and drinking water didn't." – Author Unknown
"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind." -- Unknown"God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest." -- J.G. Holland"If you really want something you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce lottery numbers!" -- Homer Simpson
“Most business speeches are too long and too dull so my job as a speechwriter and coach is to shorten ‘em and inject appropriate, light-hearted humor.” -- John Jay Daly."All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." -- Galileo Galilee
"No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." -- Helen Keller
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." -- Eric Hoffer
"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." -- Sarah Brown
“Since we’re not going to get out of this life alive it helps to get serious and learn my proven 4-point plan making it easy to ‘humorize’ your life.” –- John Jay Daly
"The measure of the man is what he does with power." -- Pittacus (650-569 BC)"Of all manifestations of power, restraint impresses men the most." - Thucyclides
"George Washington was one of the few in the whole history of the world who was not carried away by power." -- Robert Frost"A philosopher is an intellectual yokel who gawks at things that sensible people take for granted." -- Alan Watts US philosopher "The Way of Liberation," 1983.
"An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike." -- Spiro T. Agnew
"I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, US president and military leader "I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell." --Harry S Truman (Senator and later President of US). "If you're going through hell, keep going." -- Sir Winston Spencer Churchill (1874-1965), British Statesman, Prime Minister, Author“My half-century in business plus a lifetime of living in Washington, DC proves absolute immutability of ‘DALY’S LAW’ which states: “Everything takes longer and costs more.” -- -– John Jay Daly, President. Daly Communications of Chevy Chase, Maryland
"A keen sense of humor helps us overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerated the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable." -- Billy Graham (1918-)US evangelist
"All persons are puzzles until at last we find some word or act the key to the man, to the woman; straightaway all their past words and actions lie in light before us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." -- Robert Orben“Want to hear quiet laugh? Tell God your plans? -- ancient proverb JJD often quotes
"In the good old days beer foamed and drinking water didn't." – Author Unknown
"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind." -- Unknown"God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest." -- J.G. Holland"If you really want something you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce lottery numbers!" -- Homer Simpson
“Most business speeches are too long and too dull so my job as a speechwriter and coach is to shorten ‘em and inject appropriate, light-hearted humor.” -- John Jay Daly."All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." -- Galileo Galilee
"No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." -- Helen Keller
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." -- Eric Hoffer
"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." -- Sarah Brown
“Since we’re not going to get out of this life alive it helps to get serious and learn my proven 4-point plan making it easy to ‘humorize’ your life.” –- John Jay Daly
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Stupid Is A Terminal Illness
And these people are proof. Competition has been tough, seems folks are getting stupider by the year. So much for Darwin’s theory, they’re still breeding. Pretty sure these were snagged from the Darwin Awards, but I’m not positive. Funny nonetheless.
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran,” accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
Second Place
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M., so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
First Runner Up
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham’s leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham’s foot was never located.
And The Winner Is
Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves “Sh*t happens.”
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran,” accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
Second Place
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M., so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
First Runner Up
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham’s leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham’s foot was never located.
And The Winner Is
Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves “Sh*t happens.”
My Wife, The Caddy
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it ok if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it ok if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
I Love Older Women
To set this up, I’ve been married for nearly 25 years. The other day I took a look at my wife said, “Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV… but I got to sleep with a hot 25 year old blonde every night.”
“Now, we have a $300,000.00 house, a $50,000.00 car, a nice big bed and plasma screen TV… but I’m sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
Now my wife is a very reasonable woman . She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year-old blonde and she would make sure that I would once again be “living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”
Aren’t older women grand? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!
“Now, we have a $300,000.00 house, a $50,000.00 car, a nice big bed and plasma screen TV… but I’m sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
Now my wife is a very reasonable woman . She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year-old blonde and she would make sure that I would once again be “living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”
Aren’t older women grand? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!
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